Drink Their Poison
- By Suzi Elton
- Published 10/11/2008
- Self Help
- Unrated
Suzi Elton
Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent. She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com
View all articles by Suzi Elton
Do you have people in your life whose behavior is so toxic that you feel poisoned after spending time with them? Are they people who, no matter what you do to try to change the situation, will not stop foisting their noxious interactions on you? Have you tried reasonably stating your desires to no avail? Have you blown up and that did no good either? Every time you are in this person's presence, you come away feeling lots worse than when you started. Does it seem like you need several days (or longer) to recover from the ordeal?
Here are some things to consider.
1.) There are some people who are so toxic that there is only one solution. Eliminate them from your life. What I'm talking about here are those people who are toxic, to themselves and everyone they meet. This can be quite challenging if it is a family member.
There does become a point though where we have a duty to protect our self from the poison. If you finally get to the place where you aren't willing to "drink the poison" any more, know that you have the right to set this boundary. It can be temporary (until circumstances change), or it can be permanent. In this case, the length depends on the person's willingness to cure their toxic behavior. The key here is to ask yourself if continuing the relationship feels like, "I might as well drink poison." The answer should be clear.
2.) For cases that are less severe, one of the most important things to explore
would be to look at any ways that your behavior is contributing to the dynamic. This could be things like not standing up for yourself which could cause bullies to use you as a target. Not setting boundaries tells others that they can mistreat you. Behaving wimpy (wimpy body language) attracts victimization.
3.) If you cannot figure out anything in you that contributes to the situation, ask a trusted friend for insight. This may or may not be helpful, depending on the wisdom of whom you ask. This is not a gossip session or looking for an ally in an "ain't it awful" conversation. This is a genuine attempt to get to a deeper truth.
4.) When you have a clear idea about what in you could be contributing to the issue, it's time to make some changes. A great therapist is highly recommended at this point. They would most likely have the tools to teach you that would help you become most effective.
5.) Rather than suffering over the situation endlessly, realize that this is an opportunity to grow. Yeah, it feels yucky and it's pretty hard to feel positive about it...but later, when you look back...you will realize what a positive evolution was precipitated by this situation.
6.) Develop a finely tuned sense of toxic situations. Pay attention when you start to feel badly in the presence of another person. Don't let this go on and on. Limit exposure.
If you are feeling like you "might as well drink poison" as spend time with a toxic person, it is time to take control of your life, change the situation, and eliminate the poison.
Here are some things to consider.
1.) There are some people who are so toxic that there is only one solution. Eliminate them from your life. What I'm talking about here are those people who are toxic, to themselves and everyone they meet. This can be quite challenging if it is a family member.
There does become a point though where we have a duty to protect our self from the poison. If you finally get to the place where you aren't willing to "drink the poison" any more, know that you have the right to set this boundary. It can be temporary (until circumstances change), or it can be permanent. In this case, the length depends on the person's willingness to cure their toxic behavior. The key here is to ask yourself if continuing the relationship feels like, "I might as well drink poison." The answer should be clear.
2.) For cases that are less severe, one of the most important things to explore
3.) If you cannot figure out anything in you that contributes to the situation, ask a trusted friend for insight. This may or may not be helpful, depending on the wisdom of whom you ask. This is not a gossip session or looking for an ally in an "ain't it awful" conversation. This is a genuine attempt to get to a deeper truth.
4.) When you have a clear idea about what in you could be contributing to the issue, it's time to make some changes. A great therapist is highly recommended at this point. They would most likely have the tools to teach you that would help you become most effective.
5.) Rather than suffering over the situation endlessly, realize that this is an opportunity to grow. Yeah, it feels yucky and it's pretty hard to feel positive about it...but later, when you look back...you will realize what a positive evolution was precipitated by this situation.
6.) Develop a finely tuned sense of toxic situations. Pay attention when you start to feel badly in the presence of another person. Don't let this go on and on. Limit exposure.
If you are feeling like you "might as well drink poison" as spend time with a toxic person, it is time to take control of your life, change the situation, and eliminate the poison.